The Impact of Caring for a Loved One: Navigating Mental Health Caregiving
Are you a parent, adult child, sibling, relative, or even close friend supporting a loved one navigating a crisis or a chronic mental illness?
Do you feel partially or fully responsibility for their mental wellbeing?
You are what is considered a mental health caregiver. You’re doing what you can, but this is really challenging work. You’ve watched your loved one go through a hospitalization process and discharge without proper resources. You’ve seen them cycle through multiple episodes or mania or psychosis as they try to stabilize. You’ve been there encouraging them to stick with their medications and mental health treatment, despite resistance and pushback. You’ve advocated more times than you can count, but still can’t get adequate support for them. You’ve been concerned about their safety and simply want the best for them. You are on the front lines and are doing unpaid work that often goes unnoticed. You, as a mental health caregiver, are doing truly lifesaving work, and I hope you remember this when things get hard.
While you are supporting your loved one, a good question to ask yourself is “who is supporting me?”
Often, caregivers are carrying a huge load of putting others first and creating high expectations to always be “on.” This may mean you try to always stay positive for your loved one’s sake or you feel the need to make yourself available, even when inconvenient, to prevent things from getting worse. While those are valid reasons, it’s also a lot of pressure on yourself, especially when so much is out of your control.
Please know, there is nothing wrong with not being able to maintain all your responsibilities or the expectations you’ve set for yourself. You’re doing so much already, and you are only human and one person. It’s reasonable for your mental wellbeing to be impacted and you may notice feeling more stressed, burned out, anxious, worried, overwhelmed, depressed, or helpless. These are all completely normal and justified for what you’ve been dealing with.
You’ve probably heard people make suggestions for what you “should” do, but this isn’t always helpful to hear or wanted advice. Below are a few ideas you may consider starting to help lift the weight you’ve been carrying and regaining a sense of control. The reality is it’s much harder to care for someone else, when you aren’t caring for yourself.
Here’s an exercise to try:
Take out a piece of paper and pen or use the Notes app on your phone. Jot down whatever thoughts come to mind when you ask yourself the following:
What are some ideas of things to help alleviate the pressure?
What am I already doing that helps?
What are some things that helped in the past, but fell to the wayside because of time?
Once you can get clear on your answers to these questions, you’ll have a better understanding of what you’re needing.
If it’s too hard to answer those questions now, or you just want some ideas for inspiration, here are 10 different suggestions for self-care:
Give yourself an intentional break
Make a list of things to soothe or calm you down
Pet or cuddle with an animal
Get support from people not connected to your loved one
Prioritize sleep hygiene
Focus on the positives, even if they are small wins
Move your body
Get out for fresh air (even if it’s rainy)
Give yourself permission to cry
Meet with a therapist
The Bottom Line
The goal is to not complicate things and not do everything at once. Try picking one coping strategy on the list to focus on in the next week to see if that helps you feel lighter, more relaxed, and happier. Remember: you are not alone and don’t have to do this alone. There are support groups to connect with other family members going through something similar or you can connect with a mental health professional for more support.
If you’re interested in something more specialized, I offer individual and family therapy for mental health caregivers and would love to help support you through this. Feel free to read more about what I offer family mental health caregivers on my services page here. Please reach out if you are interested in scheduling a free consult to see if we’d be a good fit for therapy together.
